She stands beside me and sets up her project, grabbing at my arm, pointing out what she needs, fussing petulantly.
I am finishing something I am doing, thinking that a good mom would simply meet the need without being asked, but frustrated that she will not ask. I tell her that if she asks me, I will be happy to help her. She fusses some more.
After I have spanked her and sent her to her room, she wanders off to do her own thing, and I sit and stew, Mama-love suspended for the moment by frustration.
God would have reached for me doing that to Him. Why am I so upset with her?
Because I want to be treated as a person. Not as a vending machine. I don’t want my babies to stay babies. I don’t want to be a mama to babies forever. And my three-year-old is articulate and quite able to explain what it is she wants. She doesn’t really need me to make her problems my problems.
I think of one place where Jesus instructs us to “ask” and tells us if we do, we’ll receive, just as I told Pip.
“But God knows what I need already,” I reason, justifying my own wordless, fussing expectation of God.
Just as I knew what she needed.
I realize I still don’t speak to Him if I don’t need to. Still don’t ask him for anything if I don’t absolutely have to. I don’t interact with Him as a person I love – I deal with Him as an unknown Something to fear. As much as I believe He wants relationship, I wonder. How much, really, do I want it?
I’m linking this somewhere new today, and somewhere familiar. It is nice to have a little bit of down time…
You know, I think sometimes this is where the parallel between God as Father and we as parents breaks down. Our job as parents is to raise children who become less and less dependent, less and less like children, as time goes on and they get older and bigger and wiser. Growing up with God as Father means we grow more and more dependent, more and more like children. Is that not a mark of true maturity in our faith — that we recognize and live out in complete dependence on Him?
I’d fail as a parent raising my kids to be more like children. But God’s different. And that’s where it becomes crazy complicated trying to model God-fathering for our kids.
I hear you.
So very true. We ask God not because He doesn’t know what we are feeling, but because He wants a relationship. Sometimes it is hard for us to want that relationship. I know I forget the beauty of grace and believe the lies that I’m not good enough for that relationship. Great post Kelly.
Okay — I’m not sure where I was before when I left the other comment. I didn’t see this before responding to the comment about you finding me through Deidra’s. Anyway, I’m here and I HEAR you, especially about not wanting my babies to be babies forever. I’ve kinda thought that I was weird for thinking that because how many really voice that opinion. Thank you for being so honest with your words.
I, too, have felt like I should just ask once and then be done, but now I’m realizing that sometimes I must be persistent. In fact, for tomorrow’s 31 days closer post, I’m writing about the need for persistence in hearing God’s voice. Thank you for being confirmation that that is what is to come! So glad you are linking up!
hum…you’re right. i often forget about asking instead of expecting.
This is such a beautiful parallel, Kelly… it really spoke to me as I read. It’s such a privilege to be able to talk through each problem we face with the creator of the universe; it’s so humbling to admit our needs before the One who holds the answers. And you’re right… if we just fuss and stress, we miss out on the opportunity to get closer to God through our problems. Prayer turns our needs into opportunities to commune with him. Powerful.
Love that thought – Mama love suspended for the moment by frustration…..I’m sure we’ve all been there! …. nice to find you over at Jen’s 🙂