Light, Dark, and Goodness

Sometimes, you have to shoot in the dark. You have to let in every bit of light that is there – even the light your eyes don’t see. Photography is like faith that way, uncovering light – even in darkness.

Pete said the other day that God made us to be able to survive without Him, but the price we pay for survival without God is high. Jesus said that we lose our lives trying to keep them. He was right. The more we simply survive, the harder we become. We are the walking dead – always functioning, but never really living the moments that we are given as we try to get to “the other side” of a hard world that is destined to win its war against us.

At 11:30 last night, a dam broke in me. It wasn’t that I’d been trying to keep it intact – I know it has to break sometimes. It’s how we stay alive, allowing ourselves to be overwhelmed, drowning in the “why” and the “it’s not fair.” We have to stop surviving, let ourselves be broken.

Walking humbly with God means bringing that brokenness to Him and letting Him be God in our lives. It means reaching for Him in the dark. It requires that we open our eyes and look as hard as we can for His goodness – not because it fixes the situation or because it’s “the right thing.” We look because the bad is bad, and that is real, but God is good, and that is real too.

As I scrubbed angry tears away last night, succumbing to my helplessness, I sensed His nearness. We’ve been through this a lot, God and I. He insists on being Him; He lets me be me with Him, even if it means shaking my fist at Him when things go south. He knows I know the bad isn’t His fault. He knows about my faltering trust. He remembers – even if I don’t – that I am dust.

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand.”

– Ps. 37:23-24

Believe it or not, there is still light in the darkness. If you give a camera a high enough ISO, it amplifies that light, just as faith exposes the goodness of God in the midst of our real lives. Risking my ability to survive by holding onto His love for me – and others I care about – is like shooting in the dark, but I risk only one moment at a time. That is, after all, all I am given to live.

I’ve seen His goodness play out before, and I have lost my life in trying to survive. He’s the only one who sees tomorrow. I’ve got to rest in that.