It comes as a surprise – and I’m expecting it. At least, I thought I was. I sent several messages the other day, happy about feeling stronger, thinking I was on the other side of the initial herx. I was…
Routine
We’ve settled into a bit of a routine since I began my treatment. I take my pills twice a day, morning and evening. I get about an hour and a half of clarity before the dose sets in with the…
Lingering
I do a lot of my thinking in the shower. Maybe because it is one place where I really have no obligations to muddle up my thought processes. There’s no one there but me and God. This morning, I was…
Bare
When everything strips down bare and I stop trying, I smile again, involuntarily when I’m not fighting, meeting expectation. There is a comfortable – almost delightful – blur around the bare edges of my life that leaves me smiling. My…
Kaleidoscope
Kaleidoscope. It’s one of those words that sounds as absolutely cool and complex as the object it describes. It is light and dark and crazy and fun and color and sparkle and imagination, all tangled up and out of this…
Exist
Pete pulled out an L’Engle book for me last night, A Circle of Quiet. Diane Cole from USA Today describes this book: “L’Engle’s chronicle is filled with a sense of the adventure of life, as well as with an awareness…
Suspense
It’s a little like being in labor, this treatment. There is no way out but through for me, and I know how it will play this time. I am not unafraid of the return of old symptoms as the medication…
Time
“I realized that I want what the crones (the old gypsy women) have: time for all those long deep breaths, time to watch more closely, time to learn to enjoy what I’ve always been afraid of…” ~Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies…
Tired
I’ve been fighting this thing for ten years – or longer. I don’t really know anymore. It’s been too long. And it won today. My doctor says I need to believe I can get better, but I’m having a hard…
End
People talk about coming to the end of yourself. I’ve talked about it myself. I’ve been there and back, and I’ve half a God-desire to live there all the time, because that is where humility lives, in that deepest place…