A “Better” Service

“You can do God a better service by…”

The rest of her words didn’t fade the way I needed them to fade, didn’t give me the grace to fail, to fall down, to not be enough. All I could hear was the echo of the obligation I’d already known I wasn’t meeting. God wasn’t using her to tell me I was letting Him down, was He?

I need a resounding wake-up call when He needs to get my attention sometimes. Maybe this was it. I’m too nice to myself. I’m good at justifying myself. Except… He doesn’t break my heart when He convicts. Not that way. He never, never tells me that He isn’t enough if I don’t do.

I’ll never do enough. Never be enough. If Christ isn’t enough, all is lost to me. “Bootstrap” faith, “God helps those who help themselves” – it’s not for me or He’s not for me. The only thing I owe – or can afford to owe – is love, love that flows from a Person who IS love, taking me over and making my heart like His. He either does it all or I am out.

I am so tired. I can’t afford this risk. But I can’t afford anything else.